Heaven Movie Review - Part 10

Subtitle: A Ridiculously In-Depth Analysis of the Heaven Movie that Nobody Asked For. But Here It Is. Blame Lifetime.

• Cal tells Heaven he’s blocked on his book and offers to help with her chores instead. This movie that has mostly been about child abuse, including underage sex slavery, suddenly becomes a 1950’s musical comedy. Sharp turn of tone there, Director Paul Shapiro.

• Heaven and Cal do a dance montage while they’re cleaning to an upbeat jazz tune Cal plays on the record player. I wish I was making that up. It’s all very cute and playful, but totally out of place in a movie that has been anything but up to that point. Book Cal did help Heaven clean sometimes, but I don’t believe any dancing or jazz music was involved.

Heaven and Cal forgot to put up the proper floor signs for their dance-cleaning number

• I think this scene was meant to show Heaven has become more comfortable with Cal. It was just a really absurd way to do it. But, God help me, Chris McNally is so charismatic, and Annalise Basso is also pretty adorable, in that short clip that I could probably watch them dance-clean all day. In another movie it would have been fun, but in a V.C. Andrews movie it was really bizarre.

You too can learn to dance clean!

• Cal scurries back to his typewriter when he hears Kitty come home. She complains that her back and feet are killing her, and also mentions that she’s not feeling herself these days.

• Cal finally proves that he’s actually good for something (besides his sick jazz cleaning moves) and is shown giving Kitty a shoulder massage in the evening. She has a glass of wine in her hand while Heaven massages her feet. This never actually happens in the book, but I could possibly see it after a long day on her feet at the hair salon where she actually works.

Kitty's actual awesome job, Lifetime. She's not a lame dental hygienist.

• Kitty says Heaven did a great job cleaning the house. Cal suggests maybe they should all go out for dinner so Heaven doesn’t have to cook that evening since she hasn’t been out of the house since she arrived. Book Kitty did make Heaven do all the cooking. She basically wanted a live-in teenage maid and chef.

If both Cals got to choose her uniform

• Movie Kitty turns down Cal’s idea 0f going out for dinner and says there’s no place like home. When he goes to refill his own glass of wine he asks if fifteen-year-old Heaven wants some. Kitty objects because she’s just a child. Already trying to drug your underage ward there, eh, Cal?

• Cal asks when her birthday is, which just happens to be her sixteenth. The age of consent in most States, conveniently, including Georgia. Cal is almost within that underage safe zone because Heaven says it’s coming up soon.

That's a penalty for offering a minor alcohol, Cal, but the Age of Consent referee is so close to calling it in your favor

• In regards to her birthday Heaven also sadly mentions that it wasn’t really a thing in her house that was celebrated. Kitty drunkenly, but astutely asks if she means in general or just her birthday? Heaven deflects with her reply about it being soon.

• This implies that it was only her birthday that wasn’t celebrated, but in the books the kids birthdays weren’t celebrated in general. They were just that dirt poor. For Christmas they got necessities like toothpaste and soap. Heaven’s birthday was also on February 22nd in the book, and it doesn’t look close to Wintertime, but it’s probably a milder season in Georgia.

The #1 best selling soap in the Willies

• Kitty promises that Heaven’s birthday will be celebrated that year. I know a certain husband in his mid-twenties who’s going to be pretty excited about it.

• Kitty asks Heaven what she wants for her birthday. Heaven’s answer is depressing and all she wants is to be able to mail some letters to her brother and a friend back home. That’s like two stamps and a couple of pieces of paper.

Heaven's letter to Logan is very romantic and related to his Dad's new job!

• I suppose living with Kitty, though, you have to take what you can get. She hasn’t even let Heaven out of the house yet. I might also be willing to negotiate with my hostage taker, and settle for some outside world communication to let people know I’m still alive.

• Heaven and Cal have inside jokes where they silently mock the way Kitty moans with pleasure as she’s getting massaged. This can only lead to bad things.

• Later that same night Heaven hears Kitty really moaning with ecstasy as Cal gives her a full body massage with a happy ending. We don’t see any of what’s actually happening in their bedroom, but there’s a shot of Heaven down the hallway that can be seen through a beaded curtain. Did they just leave their door open while they were getting it on? I see why lines become blurred in this “family.”

• Heaven is giggling as she hears Kitty moan things like, “Say pretty Kitty”, and “Yes, I am! I’m so pretty!” Heaven creeps a bit closer to look, but doesn’t seem to like it when Cal joins in with his own grunting and moaning. That must have been a hilarious audio recording session for Julie Benz and Chris McNally.

For those times Kitty gives herself some reassurance

• Book Kitty was certainly not shy about her sexuality and Heaven did hear them making love sometimes through the walls. Kitty usually said no to sex, though, more often than she said yes. She usually used it as a weapon if Cal was mad at her to get him to forgive her.

Up Next in Part 11:

Cal discovers the cure for writer's block!

Tony could give Miss Cleo a run for her money!

Yoda has a special message for Book and Movie Luke!