Heaven Movie Review

Subtitle: A Ridiculously In-Depth Analysis of the Heaven Movie that Nobody Asked For. But Here It Is. Blame Lifetime.

There’s a Bath from Hell, but it’s pretty mild compared to the books. In the book Kitty adds Lysol to scalding hot water along with pink bubble bath to make it seem more inviting. She also scrubs Heaven all over with a brush until her skin is raw. At one point Heaven is on all fours as Kitty checks her posterior for sores.
It’s horrifying because the bath seems to go on forever and you really feel the torture Heaven goes through. It's hard to get through the entire scene. It's also one part of the book you'll never forget afterwards.
In the movie Kitty comes into the bathroom while Heaven is about to take a bath. She adds more hot water while talking about how her mama used to make her take a hot bath to get clean when she was a bad girl. Heaven tries to protest that she hasn’t been bad, but Kitty’s not buying it.

There is a nice nod to poor Heaven’s skin being rubbed raw like it was in the book when Kitty tells Heaven she wants to clean herself with a steel wool scrub brush designed to remove limescale. It looks scratchy and scary.
Kitty appears to leave and Heaven goes to add more cool water to the bath. It’s still really hot when she tries to touch the water and steam is coming off it. She’s suddenly seized from behind by the hair and plunged into the steaming hot water. Kitty attempts to drown her multiple times. Cal comes to Heaven’s rescue before Kitty can succeed in boiling Heaven alive.

I saw an interview with Julie Benz where she discussed the bathtub scene. Kudos to Annalise Basso for wanting to do the “drowning” part herself and not using a stunt double.

Kitty uses the most ominous stick of butter in the history of dairy products to “soothe” Heaven’s skin. I wondered if that would genuinely help, but Google tells me that would actually make things worse since grease slows the release of heat from the skin.
So Kitty is just prolonging Heaven’s suffering with her menacing stick of butter. The cold compresses Kitty tells Cal to get are actually the proper treatment for burnt skin.

Cal wonders if Heaven’s okay - as she's lobster red all over including her face. He goes in for a hug, but Heaven refuses because she worries Kitty’s jealous of them. Also probably because it would hurt like Hell to be touched. Not a great time to get handsy there, Cal.
Cal keeps giving Heaven alcohol. He offers her wine when he’s giving Kitty a massage, but Kitty declines since she's only fifteen at the time. He gives her the dessert wine in the living room after she was upset when talking about the doll and her mother. Then for her sixteenth birthday he takes her out for a picnic in the convertible and pours her a glass of champagne.

He also gives her a copy of “Jane Eyre” for her birthday and Heaven says she’s always wanted to read it. I call B.S. on a book lover whose read “Wuthering Heights” (she was reading it in school the first time she met Logan) and Shakespeare not having read “Jane Eyre.”
Cal finds parallels between Heaven's life and Jane Eyre. He says, "Jane Eyre had a hard life, but in the end she found love. I hope the same for you."

Kitty has been mixing her pain meds with wine, which the doctor told Cal could be a lethal combination. After Heaven gets home from her picnic with Cal she finds Kitty with her doll.

Kitty is talking to the doll and saying things like, “Oh, Angel, aren’t you pretty?” It’s funny and meta if you’re a Buffy and Angel fan. One of the characters is named Angel and he is very pretty.

Kitty is wearing Leigh’s dress over top of her clothes, which is a nice touch to show that she’s truly lost it.

Kitty smashes the doll against the table instead of making Heaven burn it in the fireplace like in the book. After Heaven calls Kitty crazy and says she’s grateful Kitty isn’t her mother, Kitty also smashes Heaven's head against the coffee table and knocks her out. In the book Kitty beat Heaven into unconsciousness with her fists.
Cal is comforting Heaven after Kitty assaulted her. He kisses her forehead and then goes to kiss her lips - as she’s bleeding from the scalp and possibly has a concussion. Great timing there, Cal. Book Cal actually did something similar when he found Heaven unconscious after Kitty’s beating, but he took even more liberties than just a kiss.
Heaven’s cut on her head healed miraculously fast! She shares a slow dance with Cal in the living room sometime after he found her unconscious and bleeding. I think she should probably be sitting down.

This is also happening as his wife is upstairs in bed after she took a potentially lethal combination of painkillers and wine. Neither of you thought to call an ambulance?
Heaven gives in to what’s been brewing between her and Cal the next morning. They start making out in the dining room.

Then I think they have sex right there in the living room because Heaven can be seen, sometime after their kiss, covered in a sheet as she lays on the living room floor. Wouldn't that give you crazy rug burn?

Or maybe they did it right on the same table his typewriter's on. This was her first freaking time having sex, Cal. You couldn't have come up with something slightly more romantic?
Cal places kisses along her body that's hidden beneath the sheet. They start kissing passionately and he tells her he loves her. As his wife might be overdosing and choking on her own vomit upstairs.
Cal and Heaven take Kitty back to Winnerow so her mother, Grace, can look after her. The name of Kitty’s mother is actually Reva Setterton in the books. Book Cal does take Kitty back home to Winnerow, but she doesn't request to go there like she does in the movie. Book Cal mostly wanted to unburden himself from his nearly comatose wife so he could concentrate on his teenage lover.
Heaven sneaks out to see Logan at school. She just barges into the boy’s locker room and asks him to meet her in the cafeteria at noon the next day.

Cal suddenly transforms into Christian Grey when Heaven comes back to the house. It turns out to be an act because Grace is a hardass who doesn’t abide misbehaving children that sneak out to meet up with boys.

Grace tells Cal to punish Heaven. He hauls her into the kitchen and takes off his belt. She’s super confused, but he tells her in a lower voice that he’s saving her from the wrath of Grace.
He starts beating the kitchen counter with the belt and tells Heaven she should pretend to shriek like he's hitting her. She plays along like it's a game. Forgetting he’s only supposed to be pretending to be Christian Grey, Cal grabs Heaven rather forcibly by the arms. He demands to know if it was fun sneaking out to see that boy and asks if she kissed him.
“What if I did?” Heaven saucily replies right back in his face. He then lifts her up and sets her down on the counter with a rather loud bang as they start kissing furiously. Easy with the just-barely-legal merchandise there, Pal. Do you also not realize that Grace could walk in on you at any minute? None of what I just described happens in the book.
It’s dumb and ridiculous, but also kind of steamy. Commanding Chris McNally is hot and Heaven seems totally into it. Annalise Basso was 18 when she filmed "Heaven" so she was plenty old enough for a kitchen counter romp. Her job was really hard that day on set.

Up Next in Part 13:

Heaven doesn't understand how cancer works!

How to take proper care of your Sugar Mama!

There's never a bad time for slut shaming including at a funeral and at school!

Heaven Movie Review - Part 12